“I’m done. Eff this. Pack that computer up, pack that cord, pack tha-…all that sh*t! I’m done! I retire…” (Me, 25 minutes ago)

I officially announce my retirement from writing and blogging. I enjoyed myself for the better part of two weeks but it’s time to move on to other endeavors. Maybe I’ll start a non-profit with Drag-On and The Dixie Chicks. It’s pumpkin season; maybe I can hustle some of those off Route 29. Don’t worry about me; I have options, son.

I just know this blog thing isn’t for me. It’s a young man’s game nowadays and I don’t watch nearly enough Basketball Wives…or whatever you people watch and tweet about while I read them and take my frustrations out on some poor Grand Auto V hooker. It’s all good, though. I just realized that none of y’all need me. Why read when Draya thinks for you (she’s such a pretty little terrible woman) or…or…one of those other non-Draya broads does something mildly entertaining? Pardon my side note, but SIDE NOTE: why does Draya even do anything?? Just sit there and be the cute little bird you are. Sit there and wait for me to make some money and realize how shallow I really am and you’ll never have to be stupid in public again. I’ll even get you a Twitter coach so you can avoid those ‘aw, bless her little ignorant soul’ moments.

Well I’ll be damned; my deviance proves why I’m not needed. It also could have provided a tragic example of why I’m SO VERY needed. The Fly Hobo might not be for Draya-heads but there are a lot of y’all that only want to be stupid for that one hour. The Fly Hobo and His World of Oddities is for you. Basketball Wives (or Love and Hip-Hop…whatEVER) is good but The Fly Hobo is for the children! The Fly Hobo is for that woman standing in the lobby of the Atlanta Ritz-Carlton waiting for Derrick Rose or Matt Kemp to get off the elevator. The Fly Hobo is for anybody that dances to 2 Chainz, laughs at Gucci Mane, laughs even harder at Drake, and does super unmentionable things to Nicki Minaj videos. The Fly Hobo’s world has Taylor Swift blasting through the speakers, throws parties with the Bieb, and eats sunflower seeds on the train. Word, son.

I’m totally retired still; I’m never coming back. BUT if I ever contemplated it, I need a few things from y’all. I need y’all to agree with me, argue with me, learn with me, laugh with me, and think with me. Lord only knows what will be posted on this blog; just roll with it all. Don’t make me do that Stewie Griffin Incredible Hulk walk away. Just go ahead and follow this blog, the Twitter page (@TheFlyHobo), and whatever other social media site I stalk Draya on (I mean…I’m not the only one. But I WILL be the last one hahaha…I mean…*ahem*…). Look, I just want to get enough money to get my girl a Twitter coach. Ok…bye.

A.J. Armstrong is the still-retired creator of the Fly Hobo and His World of Oddities